Legal Separation vs Divorce

In the past couple of days I have coincidentally had three separate conversations about Legal Separation in Tennessee-- since it's on my mind, let's talk about it: What is it, why do it, what's the point?  Some thoughts:

• If your spouse moves out of the house, and you're living separately, you are separated. You are NOT "Legally Separated."  A Tennessee legal separation is a designation that is granted by a court order. 

• To obtain a legal separation in Tennessee, you must file a Complaint with the court, and you must state the grounds for legal separation, just as you would if you filed for a Tennessee divorce. If you have children, you will have to have a parenting plan and set child support. You will divide assets and liabilities, and possibly provide for spousal support as well.

• If you are legally separated, you are STILL MARRIED. That means you can't marry someone else. That also means your spouse could still inherit upon your death. And if you don't completely divide all the marital property in the Decree of Legal Separation, any new assets you acquire are potentially subject to division in the eventual divorce.

• If you go through the process and get a legal separation, in two years, either spouse can ask the court to declare the parties divorced.

Attorneys tend to advise that, barring other circumstances, a Tennessee  legal separation is just like a Tennessee divorce: same attorney fees, same documents, same negotiations, same court hearings... without the same result. You go through all of that, but you're still married at the end of it. Why would you put yourself through all of that just to end up right where you are? Well...

A Tennessee legal separation can be a benefit if you need to live separately and provide for support or the division of property, but you want to remain married for some reason. One reason we see is that the parties' religion does not recognize divorce.  Another is that one spouse needs to remain on the other's health insurance because they have a health condition or otherwise find it unreasonable or impossible to get their own policy.  Or, if one spouse is in the military, a legal separation can also be a benefit, as there are considerations related to dependency status, retirement, and other benefits.

Get in touch to talk about Tennessee legal separation, Tennessee divorce, and what's best for your family. 

Insanity

Do something different. 

7 Ways to Save Your Marriage

If you're reading my blog because you think you might need to get a divorce, but you're hoping your marriage will work out, here is a summary of an article giving ideas to try:

1. Make a list of all the issues you argue or feel hopeless about.

Write out a list of all the issues that you have been arguing about or giving up on.  Include on your list the issues that concern your spouse as well as the ones that irritate and frustrate you

2. Refocus onto yourself.

Notice that when you feel angry, your focus will tend to be on your spouse, on what she or he does or doesn’t do that frustrates you.

This second step requires a shift a focus, from focusing outward on him or her to focusing inward on your own concerns and desires.

3. Cut the crap.

The negative muck you give each other is totally unhelpful. Negative comments to each other only taint a positive relationship. So, no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger, sarcasm, digs or snide remarks. No more raised voices or anger escalations either. Stay in the calm zone.

4. Express concerns constructively and make decisions cooperatively.

A simple way to stay constructive in sensitive conversations is to pick from the following trio of potential sentence starters: "I feel [followed by a one-word adjective]"; "My concern is …"; or "I would like to …"

5. Eliminate the three "A’s" that ruin marriages.

Affairs, Addiction, and Anger.

6. Radically increase the positive energies you give your partner.

The best things in life really are free. The more positives you give, the more you'll get.

7. Learn the skills for a successful marriage.

Find books and marriage education courses to learn the communication and conflict resolution skills for marriage partnership.

Deciding to get a divorce is difficult, and if you've tried what you can you'll second guess yourself less.  And if you do decide to move forward, we'll be here for you. Get in touch when you're ready.

Ex-partners; still co-parents

Jessica wrote a post about how amazing her relationship is with her ex, her son's father, that went viral. There were many comments about how unusual this man must be, but really, these kinds of results don't have to be so rare. When a divorce or breakup is handled with care- when parents approach the split with the intention to continue to parent together, the outcome can be just this great. Mediation is a great place to start. Call and let's talk about it.